Learning from Failure

This week, while working with a student, I was made to reflect on the process of learning from failure.

In the case of my student, she was faced with the harsh reality of being rejected from the college of her choice.

And this got me thinking about the whole process of failure or rejection. Firstly, what actually happens when you fail or get rejected and secondly, how does one process this and then realign oneself with ones vision and direction?

So what happens when one fails or is rejected? Some sort of uncomfortable feeling is inevitable, accompanied by some thoughts like - I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough. There's some form of doubt that creeps into ones thinking as one questions ones own ability in some shape, form or fashion.

Let's face it though, rejection or failure is a part of life. It depends on how we relate to the process; if we get sucked into or not. If we get consumed by those 'poor me' thoughts of; "look how hard I tried, and I still never made it," then invariably we're setting ourselves up for some further suffering or pain.

However, if we just give ourselves the opportunity to feel into the whole concept of failure or rejection, we can then create some space in which to realign with what's truly important to us. Maybe not getting accepted into the college of your choice opens another door to something with greater potential.

But if we're stuck inside those thoughts that replay our lack of self worth, it's very hard to see a way out. So the first step is to create some space around the crisis or shock event. Reconnect with what's important to you, or delve into your interests and begin to work with them with renewed vigor and vitality.

It's important to integrate what you learnt from the experience though, otherwise you'll be prone to repeating the same mistakes. That's why looking inside yourself at the time of your rejection or failure holds such massive potential for learning and growth.

In Carol Dweck's book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she writes about the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. The fixed mindset views failure as something that defines and limits one ie. I'll never be any good at that! The growth mindset asks, "how can I learn from this experience and use it as an opportunity to better myself?"