Connecting the Dots...

Moving from job (working for a wage) to career (work takes on greater significance) to calling (doing work that's part of a greater purpose) is, I would argue, a process of aligning the following:

Talents: what am I naturally good at? This is a paradox because I could want to be a guitarist yet not be particularly good at playing the guitar. I might not even be that interested in playing the guitar. However, if I have the motivation to put in the deliberate practice of mastering the guitar (10 000 hours) then I could assume that I'm relatively talented at playing the guitar.

Interests: what do I enjoy doing? This too is not defined by any one particular set of attributes. Ask most students in college what they're interested in and you could get a whole range of remarks from hockey to basketball, reading to music. This is not the point. The point is, pick an interest that you feel most drawn to and begin to mold and craft that interest into a rare and valuable skill. Rather than becoming obsessed with one particular passion, this affords greater room, maneuverability and scope for growth.

Vision: how do I see myself in relation to my work, family, relationships in 10 years time?  Connecting with your vision is however much larger than merely projecting how you see yourself in the future. It requires digging into identity and asking yourself those challenging, often uncomfortable questions such as, who am I? What's important to me? Why am I here?

Direction: where am I now in relation to my vision? This relates to internal as well as external context. I cannot begin to shape and mold my vision if I do not first understand who I am and how I relate to external context so that I can begin working, through deliberate practice, to get to where I want to go. And this is not to say that where you want to go will be the same a couple years down the line. However, we use this as a frame of reference for beginning on the path to mastery.

Where are you positioned in relation to these qualities, how have they shaped you thus far and how can you use them to build the life you desire?

Learning from Failure

This week, while working with a student, I was made to reflect on the process of learning from failure.

In the case of my student, she was faced with the harsh reality of being rejected from the college of her choice.

And this got me thinking about the whole process of failure or rejection. Firstly, what actually happens when you fail or get rejected and secondly, how does one process this and then realign oneself with ones vision and direction?

So what happens when one fails or is rejected? Some sort of uncomfortable feeling is inevitable, accompanied by some thoughts like - I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough. There's some form of doubt that creeps into ones thinking as one questions ones own ability in some shape, form or fashion.

Let's face it though, rejection or failure is a part of life. It depends on how we relate to the process; if we get sucked into or not. If we get consumed by those 'poor me' thoughts of; "look how hard I tried, and I still never made it," then invariably we're setting ourselves up for some further suffering or pain.

However, if we just give ourselves the opportunity to feel into the whole concept of failure or rejection, we can then create some space in which to realign with what's truly important to us. Maybe not getting accepted into the college of your choice opens another door to something with greater potential.

But if we're stuck inside those thoughts that replay our lack of self worth, it's very hard to see a way out. So the first step is to create some space around the crisis or shock event. Reconnect with what's important to you, or delve into your interests and begin to work with them with renewed vigor and vitality.

It's important to integrate what you learnt from the experience though, otherwise you'll be prone to repeating the same mistakes. That's why looking inside yourself at the time of your rejection or failure holds such massive potential for learning and growth.

In Carol Dweck's book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she writes about the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. The fixed mindset views failure as something that defines and limits one ie. I'll never be any good at that! The growth mindset asks, "how can I learn from this experience and use it as an opportunity to better myself?"

Consistency, Attitude & Intention

Here are 3 pillars of expansive thinking.

Consistency: In Robert Greene's book Mastery he writes about developing a deliberate practice, and it takes roughly 10 000 hours of practice to become a master. Consistency is key to this ideology. Showing up everyday whether in front of a blank sheet of paper, a blank canvas, in front of your prospective buyer or on the sports field, consistency of practice will result in you becoming a master in your chosen field.


Attitude: attitude is so vital to using an expansive mindset that I would go so far to say it's the cornerstone of innovation, well being and productivity. Some important questions to ask in relation to your attitude may be: Am I curios and interested in this? Do I want to participate whole heartedly? Will I give of my gifts and talents? Do I want to cooperate on this project/relationship/venture.

Intention: This is more subtle. We think we have to know something (along with all its workings) before we begin with the process. Unfortunately the evolutionary process is messy, lined with all the failed attempts behind us. We're often consumed by the Cinderella fantasy of; If I just get this then my life will be sorted. Intention aligns however, when you're relaxed, interested and open to collaboration or participation in an ever evolving context or process. To some extent we do rest in our knowledge and skills but if we're truly interested in finding solutions to context, then life becomes more exciting and filled with possibility.

How do these pillars of expansive thinking shape your vision and direction in which you would like to take your life?

Questioning or Contradicting..?

If you're unhappy with a logic or line of thinking, that has up to a point served you very well, the best place to begin changing it is to question it.

Second to that, if your logic or assumptions don't align with the person you long to be, contradict the very base on which your assumptions have been built.

To change limiting beliefs or ideologies that are no longer serving you, either question them, or contradict them. How does this shift your perspective?

Aligning with Your North Star... and connecting with Context.

The Industrial Growth economy no longer holds the relevance it once did. This gives more people the opportunity to transition to the Social Economy.

In the Social Economy there's a lot more freedom and time to connect with what's important to you. Some people may find this painful, while others may relish the opportunity to begin doing stuff they've always longed to do.

A lot of this depends on identity and recognizing what you have to offer, what's meaningful to you and how you would like to make a difference. Once you've really begun to dig into these concepts it becomes important to recognize how you can shape your vision, beliefs and assumptions of the world around you to manifest what you want.

If you are standing on earth looking up at your North Star, how would you map out your road to your destination? Your North Star is your ultimate reality, from which point you can begin to work back to your present situation and then implement what you need to take you to your North Star.

Working in the Social Economy is about creating a connection with your North Star (not purely from the egotistical sense) and then working organically with the process (trail & error) to manifest your vision.

The process however, unlike the Industrial Growth Economy, is very fluid, soft and flexible because it doesn't confine one to a particular set of goals. Goal setting is a product of the Industrial Growth Economy. In the traditional sense, goal setting has always been about getting stuff done.

Hence the reason why there's so much stress, anxiety and depression associated with the Industrial Growth complex. The Social Economy is more aligned with a healthy tension and leaning into the creative, evolutionary impulse which drives one forward towards ones North Star. It's more concerned with leaning into the future and connecting our gifts/talents/skills to the particular context.

It's therefore difficult to transition to the Social Economy from the Industrial Economy if you don't understand context and how to relate your identity to that particular context.

The Industrial Economy vs The Connection Economy

As we transition away from the industrial growth economy, many people will be compelled to reconnect with who they are as well as their relationship with others and the environment. For this reason, in this post I look to explore the difference between what makes the industrial growth economy tick, and what defines the connection economy.

The Industrial Growth Economy:

• Main driver is profitability and satisfying shareholder value

• Scarcity-based

• Communication is functional and business oriented

• Systems are in place to implement top-down control

• Focus is on the end product or the result

• Resistance is something to ignore, hide from or push back against

• Responsibility can always be palmed off to a boss, co-worker, or the system itself

• It's fear and compliance based

• It tries to mitigate risk every step of the way

• Focus is primarily on productivity and mass market acceptance

The Connection Economy

• Focus is on creativity, design, innovation and art

• Abundance-based

• Communication is either authentic or enlightened

• Requires building greater levels of trust

• Joy lies in the act of creation itself

• Failure is part of the process

• Resistance is something to be embraced

• Ideas evolve through trial and error

• Responsibility is taken for thoughts, actions and behavior

• Greater commitment to vision and purpose

• Requires open, expansive thinking and the ability to question the status quo

These are just pointers from my own experience, can you think of any others that are relevant to either the industrial growth economy or the connection economy?

4 Ways to Practice Mindfulness

Here are 4 practical ways to increase mindfulness.

1. Notice your thoughts, sensations, feelings and emotions; how do these influence your behavior. 

2. Be aware of your surroundings, other people and your context. 

3. Focus on the present moment - what are you doing; eating, communicating, working, exercising?

4. Concentrate on what your doing; How often do you get distracted over a 25 minute period of high intensity focused work? 

Mindfulness is a great way to bring your attention to the present moment. Do this without judgement and see what happens. Are you freer to connect with what's truly important to you? 

Your Worldview can Prevent You From Seeing Things as They Are

Your worldview shapes you as a person. But it can also prevent you from seeing the world as it is. Being locked into a particular worldview shapes your assumptions, your logic and even your outcomes.

Not being able to see anything outside of one particular worldview can be limiting. As soon as we encounter a worldview that either challenges or contradicts our worldview, we either end up pushing back against that contradiction or resisting it outright. We don't like it when our worldview is undermined or challenged.

I don't see that because a particular worldview shapes your assumptions, that it should be immediately framed in terms of right or wrong. More or less useful perhaps, but right or wrong no. We've been taught to believe in theories and models that are either right or wrong and this creates suffering.

Here's an analogy:  I've been brought up in a fundamental Christian household. I've been taught to believe in the Christian creationism ideology, this frames my outlook on how the universe was formed. Any perception that I encounter outside this ideology I immediately perceive as wrong. Any contradictory model of how the universe was formed, I resist by defending my own particular worldview.

 This form of resistance and shutting out of ulterior narratives to my own keeps me locked into my worldview. My consciousness thus fails to expand and I fail to grow spiritually or psychologically. This scarcity based logic cannot perceive of either the Big Bang or Charles Darwin's theory of evolution. It negates 13.7 billion years of evolution, it negates that the dinosaurs ever existed.

There's nothing right or wrong with this worldview, it just cannot see anything outside of its own ideologies and narratives. If however, I really took the time to inquire into the contradictory worldview with a very light, intuitive frame of mind, then perhaps I would be able to use the contradiction to transcend my own limiting perspectives.

I'm not suggesting that religion or spirituality has no place in current society. On the contrary I think any form of spirituality can be used to grow and develop an individual only if there's an awareness of how it shapes a particular worldview. That worldview can either assist you in seeing things with clarity and purpose, or it can limit your psycho-spiritual growth.

No Innovation Without Communication

We tend to think of conversation as a tool for communication, but it's also a tool for innovation and evolution.

Have the wrong type of conversation at the wrong time, in the wrong place and all we're left with is confusion, misunderstanding and toxic relationships. But have the right type of conversation at the right time, in the right context and we're left empowered, motivated and ready to take action towards our goals.

Let's say I'm looking to tap into my intuition and have a conversation around possibility, innovation, design thinking, or creating new paradigms, then a very formal type of functional communication is not going to serve my needs.

An enlightened conversation however, with less structure and more inquiry into building ideas, like building a conversation skyscraper, would better suit my needs in this instance. In enlightened conversation everyone is stretching, leaning into their leading edge, gently but firmly adding pieces to the puzzle. No one really knows what the final design or the functionality of the building will look like.

This type of conversation can last for days as people move in and out of the conversation space where innovation takes place. There's got to be some down time for contemplation and the refining of ideas. People can then come together again and re-engage in enlightened conversation to move their ideas forward.

Enlightened conversation however, would not work well in a purely business context where the goal is to get stuff done quickly and efficiently. There's no space for innovation in a very functional style of communication.

As a communication coach I help you have the right types of conversations, at the right times and in the right places. This gives you the opportunity to meet needs, work seamlessly towards goals, take relevant action and innovate in times of increasing uncertainty.

How's Your Attitude?

Research on mindset has found that your attitude determines more than 50% of your outcomes.

But on the surface all we tend to see are the skills and knowledge that get us to where we wish to go. Skills and knowledge form only one part of the equation though. Attitude forms the other part. 

Next time you go into a meeting, or prepare a sales pitch, or have a conversation, notice your attitude. What's driving your behavior? Is it scarcity (something the industrial growth economy was built on) or is it abundance (something more aligned with a connection economy)? Is it the need to get or have something, or are you trying to build trust through the need to connect, communicate authentically or be vulnerable?

Attitude is only one part of mindset, but I would say it's one of the most important parts along with identity (knowing who you are and what you want). Without an aligned and relevant attitude we're left clinging to skills and knowledge. And if we're lacking in either skills or knowledge then it becomes more about the struggle to achieve. 

70% of our outcomes are determined by attitude. That's a staggering amount. How's your attitude? 

What is happiness?

What is happiness for you? Is it money, security, freedom, peace or is it purpose? While I don't think any of these concepts can be excluded from what happiness is, I think happiness is about discovering what's really important to you. 

Existential questions, ones we often shy away from due to vastness and complexity, may open the doors to hidden treasures. Grappling with questions like, "who am I," "why am I here" and "what's important to me," form key components of shaping identity. 

Although this can create discomfort, it's worth all the effort, because discovering who we are and why we're here increases well-being, creativity, purpose, identity and ultimately happiness. 

Since the industrial revolution we've been locked into a particular idea of happiness, one built solely on economic growth. The more I can amass, the happier I'll be. Research has proved this is not the case. 

Once we have enough money for food, shelter, fiber  water, electricity (the mean is around $15000) then more money does not actually make us happier. As the industrial growth complex meets all sorts of limits like peak oil, peak debt, or climate change, perhaps now's the opportunity for us to reconnect with what's important to us. 

This is where working with concepts like identity, meaning, purpose, creativity and democracy will all shape future concepts of what it means to be happy.