Feelings or states of consciousness are chemical reactions that form in our body-mind. Feelings are however, only temporary - if experienced, owned and released, they offer a constant variety of moods and sensations.
When a chemical reaction occurs we may experience a state of consciousness that we term an emotion such as happiness, joy, excitement or anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety.
When it comes to communicating effectively to have our needs met, we have to be in tune with our feelings or states of consciousness. How else are we able to get what we want in life. Communication is fundamental to obtaining success in relationships.
The problem is that many people either suppress their feelings because they see expressing them as weakness. Or, people identify themselves with a plethora of feelings which they don’t know how to handle so they project them onto others.
In both cases there is no ownership of feelings involved. This results in breakdowns in communication and misunderstandings.
The first step in being able to communicate more authentically is to observe and understand your own states of consciousness (feelings). Only once this has occurred will you be able to begin building meaningful relationships.
Honest communication of our feelings, fears and vulnerabilities creates a bond of empathy and understanding with others, from which we can begin to emphasize the goal of what we communicate.
Taking responsibility and ownership of our feelings in a non-judgemental and non-blaming way through clear, concise and uncluttered communication results in successful partner, friend and work colleague relationships.
It is in our nature to want to control our relationships in order to get what we want. This actually creates distrust, misunderstandings, and resentment. Then we have to work at rebuilding the trust again from scratch.
But if we communicate our sadness, concern, frustration or insecurity in the moment, it’s not seen as a justification of these types of feelings, but rather as taking ownership of them, so as to expose and release them. Otherwise we just end up suppressing them or projecting them onto others perpetuating the cycle of misunderstanding.
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