A barrier is a contraction and the defence of a position, idea or belief and a boundary an expansion, relaxation and willingness to look into the validity of 'limits'. A boundary is held in a space of inquiry.
How do you dissolve a barrier?
- Observe and relax into the barrier.
- Can you understand and be aware of your defensiveness?
- What’s your position in relation to the barrier and what words do you use in relation to your barrier?
- How do you feel when you get into defensive mode?
You will feel empowered when you hold a boundary, you will feel relaxed, expansive, open, alert, mature, confident and grounded. You know you held your boundary even though perhaps you upset someone in doing so.
Barriers come up as a means of protecting oneself when one is hurt, another barrier could just be unskillful means. Fear, anger and bad skills are all barriers.
Let’s say you value that your children(adult) don't take drugs at home. Here’s the healthy version:
- You’re clear on why you have that boundary and what the consequences are, if that boundary is transgressed.
- You’re open to reviewing that boundary as your values and circumstances evolve and change.
- You’re able to hold the boundary as you’re clear about why you have it to begin with.
Barriers are created unconsciously and because you don’t intentionally develop them, you feel a little out of alignment when you have to defend them. Since values are intrinsic to identity, if one's unconscious boundaries are trampled on you will feel trampled on, and that's going to cause pain, suffering and some sort of push-back.
Clear, healthy boundaries are important because they serve to manifest our values in the world.
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