Nothing can be more evident in our personal relationships where the traditional mindset tries to, “get my partner to understand me.” The perception is that only then will my relationship evolve to where I want it to go.
Once a certain amount of trust has been built in the relationship, the traditional mindset erodes trust through communication centred on to “get” the other person to fit in with its point of view.
How does this feel? It feels restrictive, kind of like you’re wearing clothes that are a couple of sizes too small for you and this is how you move in your relationship. There’s no room for growth because the traditional mindset and the way it communicates is limited.
Communication that is centred on to “get” rather than “create” is:
- Very narrow
- Dissolving of trust
- Blameful when the other person doesn’t understand you
- Filled with misunderstood feelings
- Confused and mixed in its messaging
- Typified by emotions of anger and frustration
So what are some of the ways we can use authentic communication to transform the way the traditional mindset communicates?
- First off, understand what you want
- Understand what your partner wants
- Express your needs in an open manner
- Listen to what your partner needs
- See if you can meet each others needs
- Understand how your relationship is evolving
These are some of the steps we can take towards being more aware about the way we communicate in our relationships, so that we don’t get stuck inside traditional forms of trying to “get” the other person to understand us. The traditional mindset views trust as something to “get” too. Trust however, is something that always needs to be worked on in a relationship. Authentic communication is an effective tool for developing and strengthening that trust.
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