Occupy The Other Perspective

Take the following scenario: Is the universe random and chaotic or is it intelligent and creative?

Regardless of your beliefs (there is a God, there's no God) can you inhabit the other space, can you occupy both positions, can you feel into the other perspective, and once you are able to do so, can you then let them go to transcend duality? No doubt both perspectives, according to whatever scenario, have both pros and cons.

Much of where we get stuck is being locked into an either/or position. But who knows what's actually right or wrong? It's merely our belief systems that cause us to occupy and get locked into one particular perspective, but this just reinforces limit and devalues personal growth.

Being locked into one line of thought, all beliefs and assumptions go into proving that one line of thought true. The assumptive base that we're coming from develops a line of logic that proves the original assumption true. So if you feel that life is untrustworthy (a characteristic of scarcity/limit) then your  mindset will work to prove this uncomfortable feeling true.

This assumptive base, according to your self image, manifests as an insight which limits ones ability to inhabit other perspectives. Image and personal development don't mix well because personal development asks us to open up to our limits.

Can you feel into (not just intellectually understand) another perspective in order to transcend being locked into duality? This is fundamental to the evolution of human consciousness and ongoing personal growth. As soon as you transcend one duality another one enters the frame and it only gets subtler and subtler according to your level mastery (skillful means and maturity).

The exciting part is that once you have transcended duality, you can then place your vision according to where you want to go. By transcending duality you open up the path for true transformation and relevant change to take place. Central to this is knowing what you want, and becoming clear on what you'll pay to create it.

What is Effective Leadership?

Leadership is working with others to get the kind of results you’re looking for. It’s about getting a group of people to commit to a new way of doing things in order to meet agreed upon objectives.

The leader or vision holder must be clear on their values, be able to communicate these values so that the people who are being led can identify with them or not. It’s about transparency, openness and clarity in communication.

In this sense the leader or vision holder has a degree of influence that can be used to enlist the support of others in working towards a common goal. Therefore, it’s really important for the leader to be clear on their values because this shapes and defines the way the group moves forward to meet the objectives of the common goal.

Effective leadership is therefore tied closely with understanding and having the ability to lead oneself. If you don’t know your values as a leader, how is it possible to lead other people? If you know your values, it becomes a lot easier to communicate your vision to others working towards a common goal because they have the opportunity to align with it or not.

The foundation of effective leadership coming from the new mindset perspective is built upon personal development. The greater extent to which you can develop and grow yourself on a personal level, the greater transformational influence you will have on the people being led, as well as the organization as a whole.

Effective leadership evolves and develops around who you are as an individual. A key component of this is the development of awareness. Awareness of who you are, what you’re trying to do, as well as an awareness of who others are in your team and the values and morals they inhabit.

Observational practices develop this awareness so as a leader, you are able to build the type of relationships that will take you to your goal. An example of an observational practice at a fundamental level may be to observe your behavior around your colleagues. By behavior I mean how do you interact in a group dynamic in varying situations, and what drives your behavior? What impulses or belief systems drive your behavior and do they serve the development of the group and the attainment of the goal?

What do you think and how do you feel in heated debates as opposed to when everyone is on the same page working effortlessly towards that common goal? Once you have identified any problem areas, you can then work with your team to iron out any discrepancies or disagreements with the way things are being done or on the way forward. If your team feels heard and understood they will trust you and respect you as a leader which will make the ironing out of these discrepancies part of the growth process.

I don’t believe that it is enough for present day leaders to merely lead by basing their decisions on analytics, fact or empirical reason. If leaders want to be more effective at a higher level, they will need to integrate emotion into the equation as well. Leaders will need to understand what it means to make decisions from emotional as well as cognitive frameworks.

If leaders are to become more effective, more successful and get the results they want then they will need to start shifting their understanding to what it means to lead from an integral perspective. An example would be working from spaces that include ones ‘I,’ ‘We’ and ‘It’ domains – how does your perception and behavior in these spaces affect your leadership? Or, what is it like to develop ideas around cognitive and emotional decision making?

I would say that as an effective leader, it would no longer be good enough to focus on one aspect of this equation. This leads us back to where we are on the developmental scale in terms of our own personal and psychological growth. Although we don’t have a blue print for what it means to lead from an integral perspective, we do know that it’s possible to work it out with the integral processes and frameworks in place to help us along the way.

We can use these models and frameworks as effective tools for personal and leadership development. One’s own development however is not separate from ones development as a leader. The more aligned you are with your identity, the greater clarity and sphere of influence you will have as a leader. 

This requires digging into who we are as human beings and where we are positioned on the developmental scale. Values, meaning, morals, and belief systems are engrained from a young age and we often allow these to shape our ideas as a leader which can limit not only our own growth but our team’s and organizations effectiveness and growth too.

As a leader if you are intent on using only cognitive frameworks or empirical reasoning to drive production and growth then you are only scratching the surface by way of depth, value and meaning – all qualities that enhance the ability of a leader.

So how do we bridge the gap for more effectiveness in this area? It was Foucault who said: “men and women have become objects of information, never subjects in communication.”

And this leads me to my next point on leadership: we learn best by communicating with each other through storytelling and conversation. How do leaders take the time to understand and know each other’s story, and is there not such a vast amount that we can take from such conversation?

Values, meaning and morals are not to be found at surface levels, so within a leadership context, we have to dig a little deeper to get at the fruit of these concepts, and authentic communication as well as conversation and storytelling enables us to do this very effectively.

In this day and age leaders and people are longing for genuine transformation. What enables this process? I would argue it’s talking to each other about our feelings, needs and values. Leaders have an important role to play in this regard because they are the ones who can initiate such conversations for greater meaning and growth in their organizations or communities.

People are also longing for a sense of autonomy. People don’t like to be told what to do. Rather, if they understand what’s needed of them, then they would respond favorably to work conditions that promote a sense of autonomy. People exceed in these conditions and produce the kind of results that meet objectives by taking responsibility for their actions. Leaders can be role models in this regard.

People need more than to just pitch up at work, go through the motions and slog through a pile of work for company benefit while their needs and abilities get left by the wayside. People are now keen to get involved with their own personal development. Leaders have the ability to not only develop and grow themselves, but should have a vested interest in the growth and development of the people they’re working with.

They should be on the lookout to develop and groom future organization/business/community leaders as this interest in others is what makes leaders unique and purposeful. I think it’s important for leaders to have a purpose because this is often the aspect that enables others to follow one as a leader. Leaders need to have a passion and a desire to use their skills and talents to serve others for a greater means.

What types of things are you doing as a leader that will bring about relevant change for you, your team, your organization or community or even the world at large? In which areas are your working as a leader to make a difference, add relevant value, to nurture and grow talent through skills development, and how are you adding to your own sense of mastery and purpose?

If one is to become a new type of leader with the characteristics I’ve mentioned in this article thus far, then one needs the mindset of such a leader. In order to create a comparison between old and new, let’s first understand the characteristics of the traditional mindset type leadership.

The traditional mindset leadership may be good for compliance, but it hinders personal growth and development – keys that I’ve mentioned are important for the new type of leadership to flourish. In this sense, the traditional mindset leader often bases their decisions on scarcity or the perception of limit. Due to this fear-based perception, they often seek to control people, environments and systems or processes for the fear that they are not in control.

This type of leader will try to manipulate circumstances and thought process or emotions so as not to lose the original perception of being in control. This has been built on the idea of: if you’re not in control, then you will be perceived as weak or a failure in the eyes of your peers, work colleagues, superiors etc.

In this form of traditional leadership it’s more about the position one holds as a leader. This position stamp or title means something and therefore entitles you to certain qualities which other people must follow.

Humanity has become infatuated with titles and the built-in power associated with names like 'director' or 'chief executive.' These types of names and their associated qualities are very common place especially among big corporations.

The idea of graduating from university to join a corporate powerhouse so as to work ones way up the ladder to one day obtain a position of immense power and wealth associated with such a title sounds a little too familiar. Are leaders leading to the best of their abilities or are they kicking back in their fancy leather chairs admiring their sense of entitlement that comes with the territory?

How are these types of leaders motivating the people ‘under’ them? Leadership here is often based on the traditional carrot and stick analogy used for motivation. They offer you a reward – be it monetary or a higher position, to meet a certain target or challenge.

What does this do? It serves to narrow your focus and blunt your creativity. Another relevant problem with this traditional mindset leadership is that you lose sight of your values and lead merely under a value banner which is applicable to all who work at the company.

What would happen if leaders actually took the time to know and understand each other’s values and needs within the organization? Suddenly a whole new dynamic would begin to emerge, one built on creativity, passion, cooperation, engaging vision, meaning, growth and purpose all at the same time.

So what would this new mindset leadership look like?

Well the new mindset leadership is in no way built on the perception of limit. This just relaxes any need to ‘get’ and instead works on relevant ways to work together and create the future it would like to work towards.

It integrates previous levels of systems and structures for higher levels of development. What do I mean by this? I mean that it doesn’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Depending on the organization or company structure, it understands and takes what was useful from the old structure and begins to build the new leadership structures by packing on the new muscle on to the skeleton of what worked previously.

In this sense the new mindset leadership begins with understanding the structures and systems of the present moment. By doing this it can then evaluate what’s working and what’s not working. It can keep whatever works and can transform what doesn’t work for that higher level of development.

But the process is not defined by control or limit. It is very fluid by nature and works cooperatively to find the most effective ways of doing things to work towards common goals and making a difference at the same time.

In this context the leader or vision holder works from a very relaxed and open state of mind with the people to drive whatever they’re looking to create into the future. There’s no longer a sense of limit that pervades decision making. 

There’s no longer a sense of right or wrong, just a sense of understanding and cooperation and fluidly evolving so if the context does change, the leader has the skillful means and maturity to be able to respond accordingly.

There is a sense of calmness and clarity in the new mindset leadership that does have some set of goals to work towards, but does not let frustration at the need to get to the goal define the process of working together to create whatever needs to be created.

Above this, the new mindset leadership has very deliberately worked to dissolve old limited patterns of thinking that have defined the logic and systems of previous leadership that no longer serve development but actually hinders that fluid style of leadership.

And then finally it understands the value in working with other people for their own development too. For the way that the new mindset leader shapes its own development is to a greater or lesser extent dependent upon the way that it can take this new mindset and teach it to or pass it on to future business or community leaders. Herein lies the key for the new mindset leader to be able to shape the future.

A 3-step Process for Transforming Suffering

Craving, clinging and aversion creates suffering through identification with sense perception, the ego or the 'separate self-sense.'

If we are not conscious of this separate self-sense we can easily play into its hands. We end up becoming slaves or victims to the ego. This has negative connotations not only for ones own development, but also for those one is in relationship with as these states can easily be projected on to them.

So how to dissolve the need around craving, clinging or aversion that causes suffering for a greater sense of peace, balance and mastery?

I have devised a 3 step process that involves:

1. Acceptance: become aware of and observe, reflect and accept whatever state of consciousness that creates the need to crave, cling or avert. It's easy when things are running smoothly, what happens when things are not going well for you?
2. Surrender: let the feeling (good/bad) in by becoming present to it and surrendering to it whole heartedly. This will create a sense of space or formlessness that releases the associated pain.
3. Transcendence: feel whatever you feel fully in order to transcend it so as not to become a victim to whatever state of consciousness that is driving your behavior.

If you can bring awareness of these 3 concepts to what you perceive as good or bad, right or wrong, then you are beginning to enter a more enlightened state of consciousness. These very states that you associate as good or bad, right or wrong are merely relative states. They change constantly. Yet the separate self-sense perceives them to be an absolute state of consciousness for its own development. To the point that it becomes pathological.

When you create the awareness to accept, surrender and transcend such states that cause the craving, clinging or aversion, you begin to operate from a sense of inner peace and joy. This aligns nicely with an enthusiasm and excitement around creating your outer purpose made manifest in form or reality.

The Emergence of a New Logic: The Abundant Mindset

Yesterday I wrote on the scarcity mindset as part of a 2-post series on mindset. Today I'm exploring the second part - the abundant mindset.

This new logic emerges out of an enlightened mindset that has very deliberately worked to dissolve the scarcity structures as described in the previous post.

So out of this very relaxed state of mind, how would we go about drawing up the framework of the abundant mindset? I have put together some pointers, feel free to add on as you wish. As long as you're coming from a relaxed motive without any need "to get."

1. No sense of limit: unlike the scarcity mindset that perceives limit and uses this to get stuff done, the abundant mindset in no way perceives any limit. Well, what emerges if there's no sense of limit at all - there's a certain aliveness and excitement there that's up to you as to how you mold and shape it.
2. Evolving fluidity: because there's no perception of limit, your vision can be very fluid. Unlike the scarcity mindset that works in a straight line up to your north star, the abundant mindset can respond with a sense of flow in the moment. This gives you more skillful means to shape the reality you would like to create.
3. Operates from freedom: There is nothing holding the abundant mindset back. It rests in a background of freedom and operates from this spaciousness by pointing its attention to where to wants to go. As soon as it goes there it may encounter tension, hence the importance for it to rest in freedom for it to be able to evolve fluidly. 
4. Involves discovering talents: the abundant mindset resting in freedom has the opportunity to shape its talents and natural abilities for a greater sense of meaning and purpose. Knowing yourself in terms of your identity is key to the abundant mindset being able to develop natural abilities and make a difference.
5. Evokes meaning and purpose: central to the development of the abundant mindset is living with a sense of purpose. By uncovering your talents and aligning your skills and interests, you enable yourself to align with a sense of purpose that is close to your heart. You can then use this purpose to make a difference or shape something meaningful to you.
6. Healthy evolutionary tension: at your leading edge it is very easy to quickly encounter tension, but the tension from the perspective of the abundant mindset is healthy as it doesn't provoke push-back but more a relaxing into the tension that serves growth and development. The abundant mindset says: "I participate because I'm interested in co-creating something meaningful." One doesn't even have to know what this creation will look like - that's part of the creative process.

The abundant mindset manifests itself as behavior that is far more self aware, supportive, fluid and it brings about more joy, confidence, purpose and excitement. 

This framework is by no means conclusive, this is the beauty of the evolutionary process. We don't really know what it will look like, but we are interested in working it out. 

If you are interested in mindset and would like to transform scarcity structures of thinking or belief systems for more relevant ways of thinking and working, let me know if you would be keen on forming a mastermind group for guidance around this transition.

The Rules of The Scarcity Mindset

This is my 1st post in a 2-part series exploring the rules and nature of the scarcity and abundant mindsets.In this post, I'm exploring scarcity.

Scarcity is ingrained not only in socio-political, financial and education systems, but in our very own body-mind systems too.

Scarcity has taken us to our current point in the evolutionary cycle. But I would argue it's time we start asking ourselves if we still want to play by its rules or if perhaps we need some other more connected, cooperative and fluid logic by which to play the game of life.

So what are the rules that the scarcity game lives and dies by? Here are some I've thought of, can you add to the list..?

1. The perception of limit: the scarcity mindset perceives limit in everything, therefore there's never enough to go around for everyone to be satisfied. Whether it be money, resources, or services, the logic of the systems we find ourselves in, are built around the perception of "never enough."
2. Cyclical continuity: scarcity evolves in a continual circular motion because its always seeking something "out there" to fill the gaping void at its centre. Patterns of scarcity logic emerge time and again in the evolutionary cycle that according to our socio-political and financial systems confirm the nature of perceived limit true.
3. Frustration and dissatisfaction: these feelings emerge out of the need to divide, section, own, enforce and control in order to bring about a very consequential and limited sense of peace and happiness. It never lasts long and always ends up reverting back to the original state of dissatisfaction.
4. Short term by nature: although scarcity may have driven the evolutionary cycle for an extended period of time, it has only done so due to it's very narrow short shortsightedness. The nature of scarcity proves the original assumption of "there's never enough" true. Hence its need to find a quick fix in the "next big thing" to fill the dissatisfaction. 
5. Revolves around competition: because there is an inherent perception of limit in the world, all logic stems from this scarcity assumptive base. Therefore by nature the way that this plays itself out is through struggle, competition and adversarial type thinking. What are the results of this type of thinking? Destruction for one.
6. Unhealthy evolutionary tension: there is a constant tension at the heart of the scarcity mindset which keeps it stuck at its core. This tension has driven growth and production but at the same time we've paid the price through the devaluation of human consciousness. We've lost the connection and cooperation we long for. Scarcity says; "I'm not free and therefore I'll only participate to the degree that I have to."

Please let me know if there's anything I've missed out in terms of the way that scarcity plays itself out in the logic of thinking, behaving and interacting that you observe on a daily basis. I believe that only by becoming aware of the flaws in this logic, can we begin to dissolve it for new patterns of thinking that serve our development.

And be sure to check out my next post for what I perceive could be the logic or framework of the abundant mindset.

Push-Back: the Essence of "Stuckness"

A couple of years ago I was really stuck - in a job that I hated, battling feelings of anxiety, anger and depression, wanting to escape, wanting to get rid of the constant negative self-talk in my mind..

This lead me to understand what lies at the heart of "stuckness" and with a coach managed to understand that it is "push-back."

The push-back manifests itself as resistance to the type of feelings described above. The more one tries to resist, the deeper one drives the tension, the harder it becomes to escape the rut.

What is needed to begin to escape the rut is to observe ones mindset in relation to whatever is causing one to get stuck. By really familiarizing oneself with this process, it becomes possible to arrive at the realization that one has allowed oneself to become a victim of these particular feelings, thought patterns and belief systems.

By actually resisting, pushing back and trying to control the negative self-talk and the uncomfortable feelings, we conversely make the situation worse.

If you can't see yourself playing out these roles that stop you from moving forward with a sense of purpose, consider allowing someone to help you to bring more perspective and objectivity to the areas where you push-back. Alternatively, observe your behavior in relation to the feelings as well as the thoughts - what comes up?

3 Ways to Bring About Meaningful Change

In this article I highlight 3 ways to bring about meaningful change in your life, if that's what you're looking for. Here they are:

1. Transform: transform what? Transform resistance. What resistance? Whatever you resist that holds you back from embodying the person you wish to be. A river follows the path of least resistance. The expansive mindset too does not resist that which hinders its progress. Through an awareness of the resistance can it transcend and include it for a higher level of psychological development. It integrates the structure or system that served its purpose at the lower level of development. Here are some useful tips to transform resistance in the moment: become aware of the feeling that manifests itself as a sense of limit in your life, become aware of the thought patterns linked to these restrictive feelings and how they drive your behavior, see yourself enacting the role of the victim in relation to these states of consciousness to see how your behavior reinforces the original assumption of limit true. Finally ask yourself, are these thoughts and feelings really who I am? If not, try relax into them, and then let them go.

2. Transition: this is the transition from the traditional mindset to the expansive mindset. The assumptive base or logic of the traditional mindset proves the original assumption of scarcity, limit and control all true. It perceives that there's never enough so it always works to commoditize and consume more to cover the idea that there's something wrong. The idea of limit pervades its struggle, logic, and patterns of thinking and behaving. This has been determined by the age of separation and the great psychological contraction that we experience as fear, anger, anxiety etc. when we transition to the enlightened mindset we dissolve the contraction but we dissolve our reason for participation at the same time. We may as well kick back and smoke our chillum under a palm tree for the rest of our lives. Out of this emerges the expansive mindset. Here we are very relaxed, the contraction doesn't drive our behavior together with a sense of limit, but rather the idea that I'm interested in new ways of thinking and interacting that involve my gifts, as well as cooperating with people who share similar interests and want to evolve human consciousness for the greater good. 

3. Embody: embodying the freedom that comes with the expansive mindset. What would it mean for you to embody your talents, to shape and craft your skills, to align and develop your interests for a vocation resembling more meaning and purpose? I think this is where the real challenge lies - being able to embody all the change, transformation, and transition from moment to moment in order to become the person you wish to be. It's definitely not easy, and requires dedicated practice and rewiring of systems and beliefs that limit our development. But there is no doubt it can be done. Not only that, they can all be done simultaneously as all 3 levels exist at the same time. I guess underpinning your progress lies your ability to rest in freedom and then to evolve fluidly and responsively in the direction you wish to move.

Related to these concepts are you interested in: money systems, making a difference, developing your talents, authentic communication in relationships, and transforming stress, anxiety and anger or limited belief systems and old patterns of thinking that no longer serve your development? If you are, I am looking to form a mastermind group to discuss and develop these concepts. Please drop me a line at the link below if you're keen to join.

Cheers.

http://www.simoninglis.com/#!contact/c24vq

The trick: to embody fluidity and responsiveness in freedom

If we want to engage and participate from the abundant or expansive mindset, we shouldn’t in any way, shape or form feel inhibited to respond in the moment. Coming from the perspective of the traditional mindset, everything is very chunky and compartmentalized in order to try and bring understanding to everything it touches. Why is it not okay to be alright with not understanding something and then working from that perspective in a creative, fluid manner to bring knowledge to the very concept you’re trying so hard to understand? What happens when we let go of this need to constantly box stuff up in order to comprehend it?

What happens when instead, we remain aware of the present moment and respond to what arises accordingly? I’m not suggesting that you should go into your meeting unprepared. I am however suggesting that we don’t have control over everything that happens moment to moment. So why do we try so hard to break concepts up and limit the totality of what is available to us? Being aware and open from an expansive mindset point of view is a much more fluid and relevant way to respond to what’s going on around us.

The trick is being able to embody this expansive, less clingy, more fluid state of consciousness. The key is being able to rest in freedom, to always have a background of freedom from which to operate which allows the relative realm to evolve through creativity. Resting in freedom, you can then become responsive to whatever happens making your decisions more skillful, more masterful. Above this you can move in the direction where you place your attention. Intentionally placing your attention by moving in a particular direction gives you the meaning and purpose you may desire. All this without the need to push-back in order to achieve your goal.

6 Ways to Cultivate more Relevance in your Life

In this article I have outlined 6 ways to unearth and cultivate more relevance in your life.

1. Discover your talents and play to them everyday: are you clear on your values and morals, have you neatly defined your goals so that you can enhance your strengths and spend time where you can use your god-given talents to not only make your life more relevant, but to bring relevance and joy to those around you?
2. Passionately pursue what you want to do: how much time do we waste doing stuff that we think we should be doing in order to be the person that we think others think we should be? How much of what we do is defined through preconceived notions of identity or patterns of thinking that have been built-in over time? How about taking a fresh look at yourself as often as possible to realign with your passions?
3. Be confident and relaxed in your vision: How often do we get sucked into a very concrete vision that determines much of what we do and who we are? Sure, have well defined goals to work towards, but your vision does not have to be so rigid. Because life is in a constant state of flux, try hold your vision lightly  as you move forward and see how this alters your perception of the way things should be.
4. Make a difference: where would you like to take your vision or work to make a difference in other people’s lives? We only get a certain amount of time here on earth, how would you like to give back? What lies close to your heart? How could you link your talents with giving back or making a difference? Would this give you a greater sense of relevance?
5. Connect with like-minded people: maybe you spend a lot of time honing your talents, why not spend time conversing and cooperating with like-minded people with similar values and interests? Who knows where it could lead you. Maybe you end up creating the next big thing that could change the lives of many or the course of history. True transformation, I believe, will take place where groups of like-minded individuals can develop think-tanks and grow their ideas.
6. Live with meaning and purpose: I am fascinated by what it means to live with a sense of purpose. What does purpose mean to you? If you don’t know, is it not cool to just be okay with that? To stay in the question of what it means to live with purpose. Purpose flows. Purpose is not static. Purpose is akin to the evolutionary cycle, it’s up to you to see where you would like to develop your purpose. Where are you challenged and engaged enough but at the same time able to exhibit the knowledge and skills to effortlessly keep progressing?

I’ll leave you with a question that my mentor used to ask of me often. It’s a question that pulls you back to yourself and will help you to connect with all of the above.

What do you want to do with your life?

Business Communication Focused on Connection, Trust & Understanding

Why does poor communication cause business relationships to stumble and fall? Look at the relationship between client and manager.

The client has needs to be met. When the heat rises, a certain amount of tension is generated by a particular problem. This puts strain on the relationship.

The manager feels the pressure from the client (priority) as well as his director, while having to manage his team effectively. This results in the tendency to contract, a feeling of limit sets in and a reduction in the space in which to operate.

The key lies in the managers relationship to the contraction. Does he try to control the tension by resisting the uncomfortable feeling? If he does, the contraction will drive his behavior and communication.

Now what lies at the heart of the business relationship: the idea that there’s something wrong that he needs to get rid of for everything to be okay.

Speaking to the client, any tiny trigger of dissatisfaction on their part, results in further misunderstanding and frustration.

This leaves the client feeling like they’re in business with people who don’t understand their needs.

What if there’s a different way to approach this situation?

A way that...

• Doesn’t resist the tension or try to control the uncomfortable feeling
• Is relaxed and focused
• Listens to what the client feels and needs
• Understands the desires and vision of the client
• Involves connection, trust and cooperation between client & manager
• Grows business relationships through care, concern and compassion

Welcome to the expansive mindset. How does it feel? More importantly, will it give you the space to develop your purpose, as well as the meaningful business relationships you desire? 

Transforming Ineffective Communication

One of the functions of the traditional mindset is to try to “get” rather than “create.” In other words, if I “get” a million dollars then everything will be good, or if I “get” that house, that job, or that promotion than everything will be sorted.

Nothing can be more evident in our personal relationships where the traditional mindset tries to, “get my partner to understand me.” The perception is that only then will my relationship evolve to where I want it to go.

Once a certain amount of trust has been built in the relationship, the traditional mindset erodes trust through communication centred on to “get” the other person to fit in with its point of view.

How does this feel? It feels restrictive, kind of like you’re wearing clothes that are a couple of sizes too small for you and this is how you move in your relationship. There’s no room for growth because the traditional mindset and the way it communicates is limited.

Communication that is centred on to “get” rather than “create” is:

• Very narrow
• Dissolving of trust
• Blameful when the other person doesn’t understand you
• Filled with misunderstood feelings
• Confused and mixed in its messaging
• Typified by emotions of anger and frustration

So what are some of the ways we can use authentic communication to transform the way the traditional mindset communicates?

1. First off, understand what you want
2. Understand what your partner wants
3. Express your needs in an open manner
4. Listen to what your partner needs
5. See if you can meet each others needs
6. Understand how your relationship is evolving

These are some of the steps we can take towards being more aware about the way we communicate in our relationships, so that we don’t get stuck inside traditional forms of trying to “get” the other person to understand us. The traditional mindset views trust as something to “get” too. Trust however, is something that always needs to be worked on in a relationship. Authentic communication is an effective tool for developing and strengthening that trust.

3 Streams of Personal Development

In this article I have outlined 3 streams of personal development that we need to be aware of and constantly working on if we are interested in our own personal growth.

Let me know what you think.

1. Motive: by motive I mean, what is your motive for participation. What drives your behavior? What state of consciousness do you operate from? For example, are you contracted or relaxed, is your participation reluctant or wholehearted, do you try to “get” or do you try to “create” and if you are creating are you structuring that creation on scarcity or abundance, does the perception that there’s something wrong drive your behavior or are you excited and interested at the same time? These are some of the things that we need to consider when it comes to motive and our states of consciousness.

2. Means: by means, I refer to skillful means. Not necessarily a skill as in something you might be good at like landscaping, carpentry or mathematics, but more skillful means; do you have the knowledge, the abilities as well as the skills to be able to take on multiple perspectives for greater understanding, better cooperation and more effective results? Are you constantly working at refining your natural abilities for greater focus while developing your understanding of ideologies, belief systems and patterns of thinking that limit your development so that you can begin to expand your awareness for new, more useful ways of thinking, acting and communicating?

3. Maturity: a lot of maturity has to do with intelligence. And by intelligence, I don’t mean in the traditional sense as in terms of your IQ. I mean your level of psychological development. Your level of maturity pertains to your ability to understand and integrate multiple worldviews, ideologies as well as understanding the structures and systems in which you operate. For example, say a company director develops a highly sophisticated marketing strategy which he hands over to his marketing manager to implement. The marketing manager however is operating from 2 levels below the level of psychological development of the director. The end result is a marketing campaign that looks very different to the original one. To the marketing manager however, it couldn’t be better, in fact he probably thinks he’s enhanced the original.

These are the 3 levels we need to consider when thinking about more or less useful ways of interacting with the multiple situations we face on a daily basis, as well as what is serving our growth, and what is perhaps limiting us from moving up to higher levels of development.