In all the pain, anger, fear, self righteousness and frustration that we experience in life, do we ever take the time to openly express gratitude to the people that have had a positive impact on our lives?
I challenge you to express gratitude to someone for what they said or did that enriched your life. And by this I don’t mean praise. I do not mean gratitude to reward someone, or to build up his/her confidence, this is just a tool to manipulate or shape someone.
So can you express these 3 things in words when giving someone your gratitude?
The observation: what did the person say or do that enriched your life?
How do you feel right now by recalling what happened?
What need of yours was met?
The more that gratitude becomes a part of your life, the more fuel and energy you will have to enrich other people’s lives. Can you tap into the power within to enrich other people’s lives by expressing real gratitude, instead of playing the game: who’s right, who’s wrong?
It’s equally important to know how to receive gratitude. If the person who receives your gratitude does so in an empathetic way, you will see it in their eyes.
Why is expressing real gratitude so hard for us to do? And even more so, why is it so hard for us to hear and receive real gratitude?
How often do we feel things very deeply, feelings that never get expressed?
How can we do something better, faster, and more accurately?
Is there something that will give you an edge to be more successful in your chosen domain?
One very influential tool in communication that could result in greater success lies in the power of a distinction.
A new distinction in a certain domain results in a new capacity for purposeful action in that domain.
For example, let’s take an auto mechanic. Peering under the hood, what you and I see is very different to what he/she sees. You and I may see an engine and some wiring. A mechanic may see spark plugs, a fuse relay centre, the fuel solenoid, electronic fuel injection, rotor heads, different gaskets, oil pans and so on.
Because they see what you and I don’t see, they can do infinitely more in this domain. We have different capacities for action in this domain due to the different sets of distinctions that we operate from.
If we spend a month with the mechanic however, we will begin to acquire new distinctions and therefore our capacity for action in this domain increases. If you teach me new distinctions in the domain of auto mechanics, I promise you that the next time I peer under the hood of a car, I won’t just see an engine.
New distinctions, through effective communication, opens the door to new possibilities for enhanced action of accuracy, speed, execution and therefore results.
The seasons are starting to shift again. It’s that time of year, where for us in the Southern Hemisphere, winter is upon us, and for those in the Northern hemisphere, you’re approaching warmer climes.
The change in seasons spring to mind a greater, more fundamental change on a global scale.
We can no longer sit back and deny global warming, there is too much scientific evidence available to suggest it is happening. The polar ice caps are diminishing and only another Ice Age will bring them back.
The Rhino stands on the edge of extinction because some people in Asia believe that its horn offers some sort of supernatural sexual power.
Economically, times are not getting better. The credit crisis, fractional banking systems built on debt and valueless products like derivatives have brought about huge amounts of fear.
Oil companies continue to rape, pillage and plunder the earth’s resources for oil and will use dirty tactics to buy-out new innovative energy saving technology - the petrol price will continue to climb.
All this while the Masters of Mankind continue to abuse power. Corporations are making sure that they throw billions of dollars at political campaigns so that their best interests are at heart.
Times are changing rapidly and with the advent of the internet, so too are we seeing an increase in awareness of the types of challenges we are faced with. Global consciousness is increasing.
I believe that the role personal development can play in increasing this consciousness can be profound. Increased levels of consciousness can hold greater perspective. We are therefore better equipped to deal with the problems around us.
However if we don’t even have awareness of the problems, then we are on board a freight train increasing its speed exponentially toward an abyss.
With an increase in awareness and consciousness comes the ability to work together, form coalitions, partnerships and groups where healthy dialogue can take place on how to move forward. First though, an understanding and awareness of ‘here’, then communication and cooperation on how to get ‘there’. Are we entering a time crying out for ‘leaderless’ leadership?
Your beliefs and assumptions form the totality of your mindset, and your mindset shows up in the world in your behavior.
Are there any aspects of your behavior that you find limiting?
Do you perceive scarcity? By this I mean do you feel the need to push back or up against things (behavior, situations, people) to get what you want?
When you don't get what you want with this perception, how do you feel? Frustrated, anxious, stressed?
How do we escape a rut so we can show up more authentically, feel better about ourselves, and get what we want?
One idea would be to let go of the need to control. How often do we try control situations, other people, even ourselves to get what we want?
Let me ask you: when you board a 747 aeroplane to whatever destination, and the plane takes off, who is in control of that plane? The logical, rational answer would be the pilot of course.
But what if there was a man on this plane wearing a black leather jacket. Clipped on the inside pocket of his jacket is what looks like a Mont Blanc pen. However, this is no ordinary Mont Blanc pen. This is the most sophisticated and technologically advanced bomb ever made capable of escaping detection. The detonation mechanism on this bomb is simply one twist of the pen, as if you were getting it ready to write.
So my question now is: who is in control of the plane?
See, we are never truly in control, yet we try to exert control for a healthy percentage of time. At best, I would say we have a degree of influence.
When we let go of our need to control, we feel a lot more free, we show up more authentically, and we can work with relevance to get what we want.
Personal development, among other things, consists of moving up through levels. As one masters a level psychologically and physiologically so one transcends and includes that level.
As we move up to the more sophisticated level, the landscape changes because everything becomes more complex. We may have to shift our belief systems and rewire our thinking in order to become accomplished players at that level.
It reminds me of climbing a mountain. When I climbed Aconcagua back in 2007, we ascended this beast of a mountain at 1000 meter intervals from base camp.
As you ascend the landscape changes from barren to moonscape to snow and ice. The air gets thinner and thinner and sometimes you have to spend as long as 24 hours acclimatizing to the lack of oxygen. Headaches set in, you feel short of breath and your pace gets more gradual the higher you get.
Your equipment also changes: you start wearing thermals, North Face Down Jackets, Crampons, and Koflach boots.
Personal development requires one, if one is interested in moving up to higher levels, to be able to hold more perspective.
This means for example that you not only connect with your needs, but also with your partners needs, the needs of your family, your community's needs as well as what’s going on with your country and the world at large.
As things accelerate, our ability to stay focused, calm as well as hold increased perspective and understanding becomes more and more important. Because at 6000 meters above sea level there’s a lot that can go wrong.
So I ask you: are you mentally prepared for the rate of acceleration by which things are changing?
The Nature of Maintaining Personal & Relational Growth.
I’ve got 4 bonsais - a couple of acacias, a marula, and a fig which I enjoy tending to. Pruning, watering, weeding.
I know that I need to maintain them and water them at least once, if not twice a day as these types of trees flourish with lots of water in the hot African climate.
If I neglect them then weeds begin to sprout, the roots don’t get the required amount of water and the foliage is not healthy and robust.
If I take my eye off them for 2 days or longer then I must spend extra time on them, especially the weeding. But if I do a bit of work on them every day, then it’s relatively smooth sailing.
One untended weed however quickly turns into 2, which turns into 4, which turns into 8 and so they increase exponentially.
Similarly when everything is going swimmingly at work or at home, then everything seems intact. But what happens when for example, we have an argument with a work colleague or partner?
What happens when we neglect the needs of our partner or boss? In such times of high anxiety or pressure at work, the unwanted or careless thought consumes all in its path in a millisecond.
Much like staying focused on maintaining my bonsais, I think we have to work at maintaining the poise and practice to stay mentally focussed, alert, open, and responsive to develop and grow on a personal and relational level as well.
Clarity lies on the opposite side of knowing that we don’t know that which we don’t know.
Acknowledging the fact that we don’t know opens the door for learning to take place.
How often do we move along oblivious to the fact that we don’t know, or we choose to ignore it altogether? It’s only when we get hit by a ton of bricks that we wake up to this fact.
Why wait for some sort of breakdown to open up to ignorance so we can begin to learn? Opening up to not knowing results in increased levels of psychological maturity. Ignorance, you can do something about, blindness is permanent.
We’ve been programed in a sense to believe that it’s not okay to not know. I think this is dangerous territory because it stifles our learning and puts the brakes on our growth.
It’s no good admitting that we don’t know only to be ridiculed for our ignorance because then we’re sure as hell aren’t going to admit that again and the door shuts on future learning opportunities.
Contrary to popular belief, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing. In fact, I would go so far to say it’s a good thing because then we are beginning to use a growth mindset which helps us get the results we're looking for.
I think it’s important for us to open ourselves up to failure, rejection and ignorance because that gives us an opportunity to learn and grow. Otherwise we merely reinforce the original assumption of it’s not ok to not know.
