5 Ways to Develop More Confidence

When it comes to confidence I'm not talking about the type that's gained from climbing the ladder of a hierarchical institution. Traditional confidence has been gained by reaching the top of the pile by obtaining the right to power through the structures of a system (almost all corporations exhibit this power structure).

I'm referring to a different type of confidence. A confidence that's more fluid, yet infinitely more complex. It's a type of confidence that uses expansive thinking, connects dots and cooperates with others for a higher purpose. How do you develop this type of confidence?

• Know who you are and what you want (Identity). Knowing who you are requires developing greater self-awareness. This can be gained through objectivity, meditation, reflection and contemplation. Being able to access heightened powers of self-awareness means you're tapping into higher stages of psychological maturity (integral or holistic being the goal). Once you have some clarity around who you are, draw up a vision (I love using a big white board for this). Having a vision gives you a platform off which to build, create, take action and have fun with who you wish to become. And this builds confidence!
• Use a growth mindset. Once you engage with the creative process you're bound to encounter set-backs along the way. Using a growth mindset means you're open to learning from your mistakes in order to rework your plan for future success. Knowing where you went wrong and how to correct yourself (perspective training or coaching) can do wonders for your self-esteem. You can look back and track the progress you've made. Carol Dwek writes about how success is built upon the use of a growth mindset, while a fixed mindset keeps us stuck in perpetual failure.
• Learn to relax into the present moment. Fear often keeps us stuck, preventing us from taking action aligned with our goals. Rather than resisting fear, feel into it. Observe your fear and become familiar with it. By learning to relax into the present moment, you can let go of any fear or doubt. This enables you to reconnect with what's important to you (your purpose - see below). This refreshes and renews your sense of self-belief.
• Have a higher purpose. I find having a greater purpose to connect to means I can take action regardless of any negative emotions. This aligns with what Steven Pressfield calls "resistance" training. Working towards a higher purpose gives you more focus to overcome the resistance to do the work. If you've got something to channel your focus, like purpose, you'll find your confidence will increase exponentially the closer you get to your goal.
• Work on staying in flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes about how an "optimal experience" that makes work truly satisfying is a state called flow. Such a state is achieved when your skills just match the challenge you're faced with. As soon as the challenge outweighs your skills-set, you become overwhelmed. And if the challenge is too easy for your skills-set, you're faced with boredom. However, if the two align, you can grow as a person, which means your confidence begins to soar through the roof. 

What are some of the strategies and tactics you use to develop more confidence? Let me know in the comments box below.

Why Follow your Passion can be Bad Advice

Cal Newport, in his book, Be So Good They Can't Ignore You, talks about why following your passion can turn out to be bad advice.

The premise of his argument rests on the fact that we all have multiple interests and that following your passions can lead you to become a victim of the "passion trap."

The passion trap stems from the idea that our interests evolve over time. At school I had an interest in cricket, at University I had an interest in Hemingway, after school I became interested in travel and nature. Getting caught up in a roller-coaster of passions means we don't ever involve ourselves in deep work.

Deep work is something that's required in order to develop a rare and valuable skill - something Newport argues is essential for success. It's been argued that it takes 10 000 hours (roughly 10 years) to become a master in your chosen field.

I believe the path to mastery is quicker now. With the right combination of mindset traning (beliefs, attitude, assumptions, thoughts, feelings), skills and talents to match an evolving context, I believe we can shorten the time it takes to master something to 7000 hours (or 7 years).

A similar theme cropped up in one of Penelope Trunk's most popular blogs of 2013 - where she talks about how the pursuit of happiness makes a life shallow and devoid of meaning. Here she is quoting Roy Baumeister where he compares the difference between a happy life and a meaningful life; "Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desires are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided."

It seems that both authors argue against following your passion in the pursuit of happiness. There's more depth to life. Is the message that underlies this one of rather developing a sense of meaning and purpose which drives your life forward with vigor and vitality? Perhaps honing and giving of your gifts is intrinsically linked to wellbeing and joy.

Look around, how can you align your skills, talents and interests to make a difference? Where these qualities align, I believe you'll find greater meaning and purpose - which will make you happier at the end of the day. In 2014 how will you contribute to something greater than yourself while utilizing your gifts to make your life more beautiful?

How to Communicate so People Understand You

Authentic communication is about building trust. And you need a connection to build trust. When trust is broken, we either find fault or blame someone else. Miscommunication creates misunderstanding, severing any meaningful connection.

To rebuild connection requires first that you calm the buzzing mind. When you're overwhelmed with waves and waves of thought, it's very difficult to pick up on where the other person is coming from - you're consumed with your own point of view.

Rather allow your thoughts to run their course and reconnect with a calm, clear, present state of mind. This establishes common ground on which to rebuild a relationship. When you slow down and connect with the present moment, free from mechanistic bombardment, you'll be more receptive to life force energies around you.

Be open to any images, thoughts, feelings, words, perceptions, emotions or energies to gain deeper understanding of other perspectives.

Just as the radio is designed to pick up different frequencies, so the manner in which you interpret another message may be varied. The key is to remain open to the feedback loop; as soon as you close yourself off by projecting qualities of right/wrong, good/bad, deserved/undeserved, you stave off any meaningful connection.

Clear communication may consist of asking the person if what you picked up on is indeed what they are thinking or feeling. This clears the space for the other person to respond authentically while developing empathy for their feelings. It's important to talk about how you feel and what you need in order to establish a basis for cooperation and understanding.

To connect with how you feel, bring your awareness down to your heart centre. Only through prolonged yoga and meditation have I managed to reconnect more with feeling states. Males may struggle to express their feelings as we've been conditioned by media, upbringing, education, that it's a sign of weakness to express feelings. We either bury them or project them instead.

Become aware of your state of consciousness - contracted, relaxed or expansive. Identify how certain states affect your overall well being and how you communicate or relate these to other people.When you're contracted or fearful, your communication and thoughts are shaped by negativity. Invariably, it's difficult to have your needs met when you're projecting negativity.

But when you're open and expansive, it's easier to connect with what you want. You can communicate your needs by making clear requests to grow your relationships. It's important to do the same when you're playing the role of receiver; remain open and responsive by listening whole-heartedly to what the other person is saying.

Think of authentic communication like a dance. When you're grooving with a partner your movements are in sync. Your attention needs to be in the present moment to stay in flow and to make the dance rhythmical. Authentic communication works much the same way; remain open to your own thoughts and feelings, and try to listen and understand where the other person is coming from.

How to be a Player in The Connection Economy

The mechanistic (top-down) paradigm of the industrial growth economy served a purpose - economic growth at all costs. We're now starting to see the limitations of this system or way of looking at the world.

As populations grow, we have to work harder to extract more resources to fuel this model of economic growth. But we live on a finite planet - presently we are operating at 2 and a half times the earth's capacity to sustain us. The military industrial complex, this mechanistic world-view has run out of purpose. It merely serves continued disconnection and separation.

It says, I'm willing to cut down huge portions of the Amazon rain forest, killing hundreds of thousands of indigenous species in the process, so long as I can make a profit. Or, I'm willing to drop bombs on innocent people's head's from drones controlled remotely, so long as I can make a profit.

The connection economy understands that we are all connected and form an integral part of the larger way systems operate. Creative, inspiring, dynamic, inter-connected systems (like the ones found in nature) thrive holistically.

To play in the connection economy requires understanding the inter-connected way systems and people operate. Strike up strong relationships with people who have similar interests, talents, values or vision to yours. Come together on a common platform and work for the good of all involved.

Learn through action. We have no real idea of what the connection economy could look like because it hasn't been developed before and there aren't any predefined paths to take us there. We have to learn from trial and error. If you want to be a leader in the connection economy, you'll need to be highly responsive and resilient to increasingly complex and change-oriented environments.

Personal growth is integral to the connection economy. You have to constantly use a growth mindset; I messed up here, what can I do to improve next time? There's no parrot-fashion, text-book learning. Essentially you'll apply your knowledge, skills, talents - then go back to the drawing board to refine the process until you've mastered a project.

Focus in the connection economy should be on personal growth as well as highly valued and connected relationships.

Understand your current context to create your vision. Our human context is one of rapidly changing environments, systems and memes that require unique adaptability and resilience. How you go about applying such concepts to your own context is key. Only by grappling with this idea, talking about it, turning it inside-out and outside-in, can we understand our place in the connection economy.

This begs the question: how do you best encompass your unique vision, values and talents moving forward? Such concepts are critical to gaining a deeper understanding of how to apply yourself in the journey of self-discovery. The connection economy is based on a deeper understanding of self and other, as well as understanding how to relate to the greater whole.

Are you ready to be a player in the connection economy? What's your next action step? Do you need to go back to the drawing board to redefine your context first? Or, do you need some time for self-reflection to understand yourself and others better? The choice is yours. The connection economy is not shaped by limitation, scarcity or separation. The possibilities are endless. Your move.

You Are What you Eat

The old maxim, you are what you eat, could never be truer. When it comes to food, we live in the best of times, and we live in the worst of times.

Here's an important question to ask yourself when it comes to your food; "How old is your food?"

Most food that comes from industrial agriculture has had to travel 1500 to 2000 miles to get to your plate. In this case it's at-least a week old. How much nutritional value can you be getting from this type of food? Maybe 40% of what you need if you're lucky.

Food produced by industrial agriculture is treated with herbicides, pesticides, and fungicides. On top of this, most of the food has been genetically modified. All these chemicals create massive soil desertification and destroy whole environmental ecosystems.

Just take a look at fertilizer. Fertilizer is made up of 3 minerals - NPK. These include,

• nitrogen
• phosphorus
• potassium

But healthy soil needs 52 different minerals to thrive, so what about the remaining 49 minerals? When soil is deficient, plants are deficient too. They've weakened to the point that they become susceptible to attacks from super bugs. 

This means chemical companies like Monsanto are happy because they reap the benefits ($) of this ever downward spiraling cycle of mineral depletion. The more bugs, the more chemicals that need to be sprayed, the more toxic our food becomes. But industrial agriculture is big business!

What's more is that by the time you get this mass produced, mono-crop food, you then cook it. This kills off the remaining nutrients in the food. When you cook food your immune system reacts to it as a toxin. The cooking process bastardizes the food in such a way that the body doesn't recognize it. It therefore has to work overtime to try and break it down.

So you have to make sure that at least 51% of your diet is raw so that you don't overburden an already exhausted immune/adrenal system. 

The best form of preventative medicine is nutrition. If you're eating whole, natural, organic or wild fruit, veggies and superfoods then you've got the essential ingredients to fight off any disease. This is a more effective way to deal with health rather than using pharmaceutical drugs to try isolate your problem. 106,000 Americans die every year due to the side effects of pharmaceutical drugs.

You are what you eat. "When in doubt, use nutrition first," Dr Roger Williams.

How to Use Intention to Get What You Want

There are practical ways to develop intention. A lot of them focus on heightening one’s intuition.  But firstly, one should learn to still the chattering mind. You can do this by…

• Observing the inflow and outflow of your breath with one-pointed awareness. This will sharpen your mind.
• Observing the sensations in your body with equanimity.
• Observing your thoughts. Imagine you’re lying on your back on the grass outside and each thought is a cloud in the sky. Your thoughts, just like the clouds, will come and go.

Such practices will help you bring your awareness to the present moment. You can practice these techniques during 20 minutes of meditation every day. It’s important to remember to practice from a non-judgmental perspective.

Likewise, it’s important to transfer this mindfulness into your daily life. So whether you’re at home observing your dogs, your children or your partner, or at work, observing your colleagues – stay present to what’s arising in the moment.

Once you've created some space around your thoughts and feelings, you’ll be ready to create your intention. However, it’s useful to create a connection with the object of your intention first. If it’s someone with whom you have a bond, send them your intention. Or communicate your intention to the person you wish to send it to, so they can be open to receiving it. If it’s an animal or plant you wish to send an intention to, keep it in your mind’s eye.

The next step is to enhance the connection by building compassion. Bring your awareness down to your heart centre to increase the flow of compassion between all living beings. Radiate this light all around your body and then send it out to whomever you wish to send it to. This creates incredible powers of healing.

To further enhance compassion, take on other perspectives. This could be a family member, a colleague, a loved one or a beggar. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what their hopes, fears and dreams could be like. Be present and vulnerable to this compassion. Feel it fully, meditate upon it.

Next, it’s important to state your intention as a positive outcome in the present moment. Describe or feel your intention to have a clear picture or sense of what you’d like to create. Visualize your intention with all 5 senses.

Practice visualization with words, metaphors, pictures or feelings to see what works best for you. As an athlete visualizes his/her performance before an event, so you must visualize your intended outcomes.

You can do this to change just about anything – a negative emotion, a limiting belief or attitude, or to overcome a barrier that stands in the way of your potential. Practice, practice, practice! Building intention is like building any muscle – the more you work it, the stronger, more powerful, articulate and clear it will become.

One last tip: outline your intention, communicate it clearly, and then let it go! Don’t crave, cling to, or try to avert any particular outcome. This will block the flow of energy in your intention. Rather learn to stay present to whatever arises in the moment once you've put your intention out into the universe.

What's your 'Cantillation?'

A cantillation, in its traditional form, serves as a guide for choirs chanting sacred texts. In the same way a conductor conducts an orchestra, a cantillation drives harmonic singing or chanting. However, a ‘cantillation’ can also be described as your special gift or talent that gives your life joy and purpose as well as union with the absolute.

Why’s this important? Well, if you would like to live a more meaningful life it’s important to know what your gift is. This can, for example, help you transition from career to calling with greater ease and accuracy.

Another reason why it’s important is that it serves as a rudder during times of choppy seas. Stress is the number one cause in us losing our way and becoming ‘unbalanced.’ Knowing your ‘cantillation’ acts like a homing pigeon so you can realign with your north star – what’s important to you; your vision quest.

You can get back on track to doing what you do best – giving of your gifts and talents.

Knowing your ‘cantillation’ is essential to staying in flow. It gives you something to grip on to when the degree of challenge you’re engaged in notches up a level or two. This isn’t of course the only part of overcoming tough challenges. Things like mastering states of consciousness such as your feelings and thoughts need to be considered too.

And understanding context and connecting with vision and values are also important aspects when trying to stay in flow.

But knowing our ‘cantillation’ and applying it ruthlessly in the face of surmounting challenges helps us learn and grow. Why else are we here; other than to give of our gifts?