Moving From Victim to Non-Victim

Everything associated with being a victim is underpinned by a sense of limit. Lines of logic, in terms of thinking and behaving, feed through this artificial sense of limit.

There's nothing more the victim mindset enjoys than being trapped inside its own suffering. After all, this is what keeps being a victim alive and kicking. Therefore its drive is built on the need to escape suffering, which paradoxically perpetuates suffering even more. And thus the circle of playing out the victim mindset goes, until eventually it starts to become self-destructive.

So how do we recognize the victim mindset for what it is? One way is through our behavior - the behavior that is generated from victim thoughts is very reactive and judgmental. The victim mindset categorically does not like taking responsibility for its behavior and therefore perpetuates feelings of being misunderstood, stuck or trapped inside its own suffering.

The victim mindset is caught up in negative states like fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, depression and over-thinking. Because the victim mindset is driven by the need to escape these negative states, it uses justification as a means to satisfy its needs. It might go something like this; "If I can just get that person to understand me, then everything will be okay." Or, "if I just get that promotion then I can relax."

But more often than not, if its the negative state or the need to get rid of the negative state that's driving the behavior, then the feeling never goes away once the thing that was sought, is got. The victim mindset then moves on to place its attention on the next thing to get to get rid of the notion that there's 'something wrong.'

So how do we move away from this mindset. The first step involves self-awareness. We cannot change what we're not aware of. By bringing our awareness, first to our behavior (mainly through the feeling which is contracted), we are able to observe ourselves playing out the role of the victim. We can then take ownership of our thoughts and feelings, not by resisting them, but by feeling/observing them fully.

Once we transform the inherent perception of limit that drives our behavior, we can bring more intelligence and creativity to any particular situation, even ones where we see others using the victim mindset. A good indication in this regard is to remain open to the feedback loop. For example, if you're resisting a negative state like anger or fear, you will be left with a lingering bitter aftertaste. If you've allowed yourself to feel your fear or anger, you'll feel much better and lighter afterwards.

Thus, when the negative state is not driving our behavior we can participate and cooperate more fully and wholeheartedly. It also becomes easier to connect with our sense of vision and purpose. This not only benefits our own sense of well-being, but enhances our interpersonal relationships too.

We can spend more time in the flow of things, using our natural abilities and skills to overcome challenges and grow in the process. We feel excited about what we can create as well as be more at peace with ourselves and our environments.