This language is embedded in our psyche at a young age by our parents, then by our school teachers, by universities, organizations.
I went to a very traditional school where if you did well academically or sportingly, especially rugby, you were rewarded and thrust into the spotlight. Communication is defined by a set of rules that you have to conform by - you must attend chapel everyday, learn the school hymn, wear uniform, cut your hair, polish your shoes, make tea and sandwiches for prefects, get grades to get into university.
And this type of communication is found everywhere in our relationships, after all it’s what we’ve been programed to know. It’s deeply entrenched in corporate culture where if you don’t work to satisfy shareholder value, then you’re deemed surplus to requirements.
This type of communication is built on limit and control. The objective: get everyone to conform. This language is destructive and denies choice or responsibility.
It’s communication that’s built on shame, guilt, duty, reward, punishment, and everyone pays for it because it separates us from what we want at a deep level.
This is communication that abounds in the game of who’s right, and if you’re wrong, then you must be punished. Although highly toxic, there’s a kernel of truth to it. The clean and necessary part of it lies in its ability to uphold boundaries as well as helping us heal at that level where we experience pain.
The real objective should be: never try teach anybody anything, never try to change anyone. This type of power lies within self, and we know it, we’ve just lost the connection with it.
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