Developing an Effective Relationship with your Boss

Do you disagree with your boss on a way forward (vision), have ulterior values or motives, break-downs in communication, or feel your talents are being underutilized and undervalued?

How do you stop the rot and initiate a process to take ownership of your feelings, be the captain of your ship and influence your relationship so you can get what you want?

Recognize your issues with ways your boss does business. If this is too much to handle start looking for a new job. However, if you can understand this and be ok with it, you will find yourself more able to take ownership of your feelings and grow your relationship.

Try communicate your need to be more involved in creating a vision aligned with your values. See if you can validate this with results the company’s looking for. Open dialogue and rapport are effective tools for your growth and development as an individual and a collective.  

If you feel your talents are being underutilized communicate this non-vindictively and show your boss how your skills can be used to benefit the company. What skills do you have that will give you a competitive edge?

Could you write reports or articles on competitors, the nature of your industry, or internal company flaws to increase value? Could you redesign an internal process for more effectiveness? If these seem like large projects focus on a smaller scale value-add.

Does one disagreement with your boss have a snowball effect on your future interactions? Before things spiral into an argument try observing your behavior at times when you feel uncomfortable around your boss.

What do you think and how do you feel when you’re around him/her - anxious, angry, jealous, vindictive..? By observing and not responding to these thoughts and feelings you build awareness and mastery around such impulses.

Does your behavior reflect your core values when cooperating with your boss and to what extent do your interactions advance your career by way of more money, a higher company position, more meaning and purpose, or a greater sense of happiness?

Understanding & Transforming Crisis

How do you respond when faced with a crisis, cross-roads, or uncertainty? We all come face to face with extreme fear, anxiety or anger at some point. How do you deal with it?

Job loss, relationship break-up, economic melt-down, paying the mortgage, providing for a family; there are times when you will feel the crunch. This builds on increasing levels of complexity.

How do you stay grounded, relaxed but focused enough to build mastery, maturity and the skills needed to overcome the obstacle you face and use it for your growth?

How do heroes respond to challenging situations or crisis? In order to overcome it they have to acknowledge and face its presence, while often they have to, with the help of a mentor, channel, train and develop their powers to understand and know how to master it.

Faced with crisis, we resist because we do not want to loose control (which paradoxically we never had to begin with). However, if we can choose not to respond to this impulse but embrace, own and deeply understand our challenges then we can develop mastery.

As far as I can see when faced with crisis you have 2 options:

1. Give into the feeling of overwhelm, anxiety and helplessness
2. Own your feelings and anxieties and take appropriate action regardless of future success or failure

Trying to control your fear, anxiety or anger only creates suffering. Rather, feel it fully in order to transcend it. You can then work with others to create what you want. Until you encounter the next level of challenge.

As things become more complex personal mastery holds more value. More complex problems require a greater level of skill, knowledge and ability to overcome because this gives you what you need at that level.

Faced with crisis, do you respond with push-back, resistance and the need to control or do you apply yourself and develop the level of skill and maturity to master it?

Confidence

What is confidence?

Confidence is determined by our level of achievement, our sense of belonging, and our level of self-esteem. These are closely linked to our human needs. The need for power, freedom of thought and action, the need for significance, connection and love, growth, and recognition for a contribution beyond self.

Confidence is taking action aligned with your vision and values even when things aren’t going your way and you are willing to risk failure for this. It’s about being clear on your values and making sure your behavior is aligned with these.

Why is confidence important?

Because you feel better about yourself, you have more pep, you can communicate your values, you can get what you want, you can be successful. This gives you more money, greater meaning and purpose, and the desire to excel in your field. It may significantly improve your relationships and could result in you solving complex problems quickly and effectively.

How do you develop confidence?

• Use self-awareness to build competence and boost identity. Self-awareness builds self-esteem through personal appreciation and understanding. Build self-awareness around who you are, what you stand for, so others acknowledge this too.

• You have to be interested in developing it as well as working on understanding your core values and what they mean to you. You have to be willing to risk failure to develop what you want. You have to constantly take action aligned with your vision.

• Once you know what you want, construct and set your goals accordingly and then work towards achieving them. Once you do achieve your goal add it to your success list which you can use as a reference to build your self-esteem.

• Master your mindset: transform limiting and scarcity self-talk that can kill self-confidence. Rather use a growth or abundant mindset which will help you bring alive what you will feel and experience when your confidence turns into success.

At the heart of confidence you are relaxed yet focused, grounded in your core values and purpose, lightly holding your vision as you fearlessly move forward creating what you want. Having a deep belief in your ability to achieve your goals is paramount! Oh yeah, and don’t give up if you encounter set-backs along the way.